Freely Adopted

Answered Prayer

2010-12-13T21:50:00.000-05:00

Thank you for praying for my hubby today during surgery. According to the surgeon, everything went very smoothly, just as planned! We are so thankful! It looks like tomorrow, the physical therapists will try and get him moving a bit. If all goes well, hopefully he will be moved out of ICU and maybe even come home on Wednesday or Thursday of this week. Wouldn't that be incredible?

A few of the ongoing prayer requests would be that David would not develop any type of infection, that he would be free of pain, and that he would make a quick and complete recovery. Also pray for traveling mercies for his parents and me. We are getting blasted with lots of snow right now.

I will try and update more soon. Thanks again for all of your prayers. We feel so blessed!

Prayer for my husband

2010-12-12T23:28:00.000-05:00

I am writing to ask for prayer for my husband. He was in a snowmobiling accident on Friday evening. God has been very merciful to David in sparing his life and protecting him from paralysis!

This morning, the spine doctor came in to talk to us about David's injuries. After looking at the MRI and the CT scans, he felt that David needed to have surgery. He explained to us that David has several injuries. First, David has two deep cuts on his head. One has 18 staples, the other has 7. (the trauma team stapled the second one today in the back of his head). Another, is a fracture in one of the thoracic vertebrae located between his shoulder blades. This injury is painful, but really places David in no immediate danger of spinal cord damage. Also, he has a fractured two other vertebrae in his neck (c6 and C7). Not only did he fracture the bone, but he also shattered the ligaments supporting those two vertebrae, which has caused a misalignment of his spine. One of the vertebrae is actually pushing up against his spinal cord. Without surgery, danger of damaging his spinal cord exists. The doctor plans to place a plate in the front of his spine to stabilize the broken vertebrae, however; if the doctor feels it is necessary, he may also place a plate in the back of the spine as well. We are praying that he would have wisdom in deciding this. After the surgery, David will have to wear the brace on his neck and chest for a few more months as everything heals. The good news is that he may be able to come home by Wednesday.

David is scheduled to have surgery at 10:30 tomorrow (Monday) morning.

Specifically, please be praying for safety for David throughout the surgery and healing process. Also that no infections would develop in his wounds. And, that God would relieve David of any pain he may experience. Also, please pray for safe travel for his parents and me as we travel early in the AM.

Thank you again for all of your prayers for David and our family. I will try and send an update when I can.

God delights in Moving Unscalable Mountains

2010-11-30T08:41:00.002-05:00

If completely uninhibited, which two questions would most people desire to have answered concerning adoption? My guess would be that they would desire to know how much a typical adoption costs and how a typical adoption is financed. Prior to adopting myself, these were the two questions I always wanted to have an answer to, but I was usually too reluctant to ask.

Every adoption is different of course, but I would like to share my own experience with you in the hopes that God would receive all the glory that He deserves for the amazing work that He has done in our lives. If you desire to adopt, be encouraged to trust Him to provide for your every monetary need. You will be amazed at the miraculous ways in which He provides.

After totaling up the cost of all of the required documents (clearances, home study, physicals, fingerprinting, etc.), all of the travel expenses, all of the adoption agency fees, all of the legal fees, and all of the fees to meet post placement requirements within both states, the grand total of our adoption was a whopping $33, 879.42.

Wow, that is a lot-a moola! In fact, that is more money than we typically live on in one year. We did have about $2000.00 saved from donations I had received in exchange for photographs I had taken for friends and family, but aside from that, we had no other "extra" money to put into the adoption and we felt strongly that we did not want to "borrow" more money than we felt we were could to pay back quickly.

Through research, I found out that there was a substantial adoption tax credit of $13, 170.00 to help offset the adoption. And, because we had recently experienced a failed adoption, we could receive a refund for any adoption related expenses for the failed adoption as well as receiving our normal tax refund. However, even with the money we had saved, the adoption tax credit money for both adoptions, and our tax refund we knew we would eventually be refunded, we were still short the remaining $8,709.42.

As much as I had initially hoped that we would have every penny needed for the adoption nestled safely in a bank somewhere just waiting to be used, I am so thankful now, that it didn't quite happen that way for us; or we would have missed out on an amazing testimony.

One day before we were to jump on a plane to Vegas to pick up Lael, we were told that we needed to wire the agency fee to the agency. We had previously applied to refinance our home so that we could borrow extra money to finance the adoption, and were approved for most of what we felt we would need, but had not yet closed on the loan. The process of closing, we were told, could take place in about a week. The problem was, we didn't have a week...as a matter of fact, we had less than 24 hours.

I called the bank to ask a few questions and once again inquire about how quickly a closing could take place and was told that the bank was willing to complete our closing later that very day. Later on however, we realized that the bank had no real intention of honoring the original loan for which we were approved. Despair began to take residence in my heart at that moment.

But, God was still at work...He prompted a friend to offer us a gift of $4000.00 which she had been led to save for several months without really even knowing why she was saving it. Isn't that amazing?

Then, he prompted our loan officer to negotiate with the bank on our behalf. In the end, the bank ended up approving us for a better offer than we had originally agreed upon...and they were still willing to close later that evening. During the closing, we were told that the money would not be available for 3 business days. So how were we going to wire the money, if it were not yet available for withdrawal?

God prompted the heart of a dear family member to offer to temporarily finance the adoption for us! Incredible!! With the money now available to us, we were able to pay the agency fees and book the flights, and we felt very comfortable that we would be able to pay back all of money we borrowed with the adoption tax credit and our tax refund. And, we had faith that God would provide the remaining $4000+ as we needed it. And He has!

When we got home, some dear friends held a baby shower for Lael. At the shower, generosity overflowed. We were given over $400.00 to put towards our remaining adoption expenses. Then, for several weeks after that, we received about $1700.00 from family, friends, and even strangers who knew about our adoption, leaving us with only a little over $2,500.00 remaining to pay for the whole adoption. And, we don't even need the $2500.00 until spring when attorney's legal fees will be due.

Steadily, to this day we receive wonderful "surprises" in the mail, tucked safely within cards of congratulations or notes of encouragement. Each "surprise" is so appreciated...and each one is so pleasing to the Lord. The generosity of others has been so humbling to me...and it all points back to Christ!

I remember several years ago wondering how WE, of all families, would EVER be able to afford to adopt. I mean, adopting seemed to be reserved for the very wealthy...and wealthy certainly didn't describe us. Where would we EVER get so much money? But looking back now, what once seemed like a unscalable mountain to climb, is now just a tiny hill. So small in fact, that we don't even become winded while climbing it's small, rounded peak. God is in the business of moving mountains, you know?

Maybe you have desired to adopt, but have never really pursued it thinking (like me) that adoption is only reserved for the wealthy. Or maybe you have a mountain in front of you that is totally unrelated to adoption....like the loss of a job with no paycheck coming in the pay the mounting bills, or a physical ailment that has left you feeling hopeless, or a fragile relationship with your spouse which seems to be falling apart right before you eyes. God is in the business of moving mountains, you know? He really is! I pray that this day, that you would be able to lay every single one of your concerns before Him. He loves you...and He delights in caring for you and comforting you with His loving arms.

Answering Uncomfortable Questions, Rejoicing in God's Provision

2010-11-29T14:37:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, I was in the checkout line at my local grocery store. Lael was in the sling sleeping quietly, snug as a bug in a rug! As I was searching for my debit card, the woman standing behind me walked towards me and said, "She's beautiful...is she yours?"

I quickly replied, "Oh, thank you...yes, she is mine."

Swiping the debit card, I waited to be prompted to enter my pin number. For a brief moment, I glanced over in the direction of the woman. Upon making eye-contact, I quickly smiled. She looked down at Lael, with a somewhat perplexed look on her face.

"She doesn't look anything like you?" It didn't appear that her intention was to to be rude, she just seemed genuinely curious.

"We recently adopted her", I replied as I waited for the cashier to hand me the receipt.

I could tell by the woman's face that more questions were forming in her mind. "Oh really, where is she from?"

"She was born in Las Vegas. My husband and I have always desired to adopt, so we are very thankful to have her. She is such a sweet little girl!"

As I stuffed the receipt into my wallet and prepared to turn towards the heaping shopping cart in front of me, the women inquired, "How much did she cost?"

At that moment, the temperature in the grocery checkout line seemed to rise considerably, within only a few seconds. Potential responses to the woman's question raced through my mind...none of which were very kind, I might add. Initially, I was offended! "How dare her ask how much "she" cost! Doesn't she know that it is illegal to purchase a baby?"

Thankfully, God intervened in the wicked conversation taking place within my heart. And rather than my planned response exiting my mouth, another response found a voice.

"Domestic adoptions are quite expensive and we weren't sure how we were going to finance the adoption, but God provided everything we needed. Honestly, if you knew us, you would think we were the least likely family in the world to be able to adopt a baby. We live from paycheck to paycheck and try and live very frugally on one income. But, $30,000.00 is nothing to God! Isn't HE amazing?"

The woman politely smiled, and I turned to leave. As I walked out of the store, still feeling angry about the way in which the woman asked the question, I became acutely aware that maybe there are many others who are curious about the cost of completing an adoption, but are too afraid to ask; feeling that in some way it crosses the line of "proper social etiquette." So, they never ask. Maybe you too, feel that this woman should have minded her own business, after all; financial matters should remain private.

There is no doubt that God is for adoption. He designed it! He has adopted me as His child. Adoption is something we should rejoice in...and God's provision for adoption is something we should rejoice in too.

He deserves all the glory and praise for providing the financial means for us to adopt Lael...so, after much prayer about the matter, I have decided to humbly share how much our adoption was and how God provided all that we needed to adopt Lael.

If you desire to adopt, I hope and pray that you are encouraged and faith-filled to trust God to provide the means for you to be able to adopt as well. Remember, God designed adoption and delights in seeing families joined together through the miracle of adoption. Trust Him!!

I apologize for keeping all of you hanging, but as I type, I can hear Lael fussing in the next room. Nap time is over, therefore, blogging time is over too! But tomorrow, I can't wait to share how God has graciously and richly provided for our adoption.

We won BIG in Vegas

2010-09-23T12:45:00.009-04:00

I would love to introduce our newest addition...

She was born in our hearts long before she ever arrived in our arms...

...a beautiful gift of God,

whom we will forever cherish...

Lael Faith Marshall

(Lael means "Belonging to God")

Before I share the story of how God brought Lael into our lives, I just want to take a moment to THANK YOU all for your prayers, encouragement, and financial support. I am so incredibly humbled by all of the people that God used to bring Lael home to us.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WARNING: VERY LONG...GOD DID SO MUCH...I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE OUT A THING!

On a hot Saturday afternoon in Las Vegas, a young women arrived at the hospital by ambulance...all alone. Within only 5 minutes of arriving, the delivery of her baby was imminent. She gave one final push ushering the sweet new life into this world. No family was there to rejoice in the new life she had just birthed. No one was there to tenderly kiss her on the forehead and tell her how courageous she was. But God was there.

I can't imagine the mix of raw emotions she must have felt the moment the baby was born. On one hand, she may have felt the relief of knowing that the physical pain she had just experienced was gone. Maybe she felt a sense of joy at hearing the doctor announce that the baby was a little girl. Who knows, maybe she even smiled at the sound of the baby's first cry. But, I feel certain that any joy she may have felt at that moment was wrought with indescribable pain as well. The pain, sadness, and grief in realizing that these precious few moments worth of memories were the only ones that she would have with her little girl.

Did she hold her? Did she look lovingly into her eyes? Or did she ask the doctors to remove the baby from the room because it was too difficult to see her and hear her hushed cries; soon her little girl would be placed in another families arms? We may never know, I guess. But, what I do know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that she gave her beautiful baby girl an opportunity to experience life. As she selflessly and courageously birthed the baby she knew she could not raise...she chose instead to allow her little baby to experience the miracle of being adopted into a family...a family who had prayed for her before she was even conceived.

As this new mom rested in a hospital bed recovering from recently giving birth, a family over 2200 miles away was reading an email from their adoption agency about a one day old, 5 lb. 13 oz. baby girl from Nevada, in need of a family. As they prayed for wisdom, God was there...prompting them to act. So they did!

Initially, the adoption agency painted a pretty grim picture...

"I am so sorry, but I don't think you can adopt this little girl. You see, Nevada allows birth mom expenses. And since Nevada won't allow you to finalize an adoption there, you would be required to finalize in PA, meaning you would have to follow PA law. And In PA, it is illegal to pay birth mom expenses."

The family wasn't quite ready to give up...

"Well, we understand that, but since the baby has already been born we thought that maybe there would not be any birth mom expenses. Could you just ask?"

About 30 minutes later, the phone rang...

"I have great news! I talked to the director of the agency with this situation, and there are no birth mom expenses. If you would like, I can send your profile? Think about it. I just need to know ASAP because mom is due to sign papers on Tuesday at 5:00."

You can probably imagine the mix of raw emotions we felt as we considered and prayed about what we should do. On one hand we felt joyful in realizing that this little girl MAY end up being ours. On the other hand, we were so afraid, questions flooding our minds...

"What if her mom changes her mind?"

"Where will we stay in Vegas?"

"How will David get off of work on such short notice?"

"What should we do, Lord?"

After spending time talking and praying together, David and I decided to have our profile sent to the agency for consideration. It was a long night, wondering and waiting to see if the agency would choose us. We knew that we probably wouldn't hear anything until about noon our time the next business day, so we just waited and prayed for God's will to be done.

During the night, I woke up feeling really sick like I was getting a bad head cold. My head ached, my nose began to run, my throat felt scratchy, and I felt a little fevered. I think I spent half of the night praying for the decision of the agency and the other half praying for healing, because I certainly didn't want to expose a newborn to a virus.

God answered both prayers! The next morning, I jumped out of bed without a single symptom of the night before. 100% healed!! And, at about 1:00 PM, we received word from the agency that we were chosen to be the parents of this little Las Vegas miracle.

The agency told us that we needed to be on a plane by Tuesday morning, so that we would be at the hospital when mom signed the papers. Although, we were not really comfortable with traveling until after mom signed, we were willing to do whatever we needed to bring our little girl home. We planned to order tickets when David arrived home that evening, but kept praying that God would somehow allow us to wait until after the papers were signed before we had to travel.

We also needed to get our financing in place so that we could wire money to the agency the next morning. We had been approved the week prior for a loan, but had yet to close on it thinking we would wait until situation arose. Originally, we had been told that it could take a week or so to close on the loan, but I decided that it certainly didn't hurt to call and ask. So, I called the bank to ask them how quickly we could close. Imagine my surprise when the loan officer said, "We could close this evening if you would like!"

As the loan officer went through all of the details of the loan, it became apparent that the loan we were approved for, was not the one they were planning to honor..still leaving us several thousands of dollars short of being able to finance the adoption.

My heart sank..."I don't understand, Lord. We were chosen by the agency, yet we can't pay for the adoption. Is this really the way this is going to end?"

I would be lying if I told you that my faith was strong at that moment. It wasn't. I was broken, weak, and confused. The situation seemed utterly impossible and there was nothing I could do to change it. I immediately called my mom...crying and questioning.

She lovingly and gently reminded me that God was in control and that although the situation seemed impossible to me, it was not impossible with God. She encouraged me to just stop and pray. So, that is what I did...

Within 30 minutes of hearing that our financing had completely fallen through, another miracle happened. Two different amazing families who knew of our story offered us to help us. One offered to temporarily finance the adoption for us, the other graciously offered to give us a large sum money! If that weren't enough, the phone rang again. It was the bank. This time, they were offering us a counteroffer. They felt so badly that they had given us misinformation the first time, that our loan officer had negotiated with them...the outcome...A BETTER OFFER THAN THE ORIGINAL! Praise God! And, our loan officer and the notary were both willing to stay after hours so that we could still close later that evening.

When we arrived home from closing on the loan it was about 7:00 PM Monday night. Next, we needed to book flights. We were still feeling really uncomfortable flying until we knew if mom had signed. Reluctantly, David began to look for flights. Thankfully, we were able to find tickets for $99 each. As David was typing in the information needed to book the flights, I decided to call the agency to see where we should stay when we arrive.

Right as David was preparing to purchase the tickets, our social worker answered...

"Hi, this is Satin Marshall. My husband is on the computer right now purchasing plane tickets..."

She Interrupted...

"STOP!!! Tell him no to purchase those tickets. I am so glad you called. I was just going to call you. Mom as gone MIA and we can't find her. She discharged herself from the hospital and we can't find her. She gave me a phone number for a cricket phone which has been disconnected and I have two different addresses for her. Don't travel until I find mom! I will begin looking for her first thing in the morning."

The next afternoon (Tuesday), the social worker called again...

"Satin, I still haven't heard from mom. I am going to go looking for her. I am just praying we find her."

About an hour later, the phone rang again...

"Satin, great news. We found mom. She didn't know she needed to come today. I explained that she needed to sign papers. I am going to pick her up later today to take her to my office to sign. I will call you after she signs."

Praise God! Another prayer answered. Later we found out that our social worker started to fast and pray that mom would be found. She also paid the outstanding balance on mom's cricket phone to have it turned back on. She shared with us later that within 15 minutes of beginning to pray, mom called her back.

At about 9:30 PM Tuesday night our social worker called to share the good news that mom had signed the papers and that we could schedule flights to Vegas to pick up our baby girl. I had an opportunity to talk to Lael's mom for a few minutes on the phone. She sounded very happy to know that her baby was becoming part of a Christian family with lots of children. I told her over and over what a gift she had given us. I am so thankful for that short conversation with her. She seemed very sweet and genuine.

At 9:30 PM Tuesday night, we set to work...booking flights, figuring out how we could wire money the next morning before getting on the plane, looking for FedEx locations to overnight our contract, packing, and making arrangements for the children. I was up all but about an hour printing out paperwork and making sure we had everything in order for our trip.

The next morning, we left for Pittsburgh at about 6:00 AM. At 9:00 AM, we stopped at bank to wire money. Again, God worked a miracle...we were told that the wired money could not be available right away due to some procedural stuff. My mom spoke with a women at the bank. Upon hearing our story, she worked everything out for us.

Next, we had to find a FedEx location to overnight our contract. It was recommended to us that we stop at Staples to see if they had FedEx air service. David and I parked the car, got out, and started to walk across the parking lot to the entrance. Right before we walked into Staples, a FedEx truck pulled in. I quickly flagged the truck down and asked where we could mail our envelope. He was able to give us the exact directions of where to go. Once again, God answered another prayer.

Our flight to Vegas was spent filling out mounds of paperwork! It took us about 4 hours to fill everything out. Then, David and I realized that we hadn't thought of a name for our little girl. YIKES! When we touched down in Vegas at about 4:15 PM I immediately called our friends who were watching our children. I asked if the children could quickly make a list of name with the names meaning. We didn't have much time. We were scheduled to be at the agency's office by 5:00. When I called back a few minutes later to get the names, I was feeling really overwhelmed. It just didn't seem right picking a name without having time to consider it. It seemed so haphazard. But then, out of the blue, God brought to mind a name which had been on one of our previous lists. "LAEL". I knew how it was spelled, but had no idea what it meant. (and for those of you who know us, we always name our children names with a significant meaning.) So, I asked my friend if she would quickly look it up for us to see what it meant. After a brief pause, she said, "Belonging to God"....that was it! What a perfect name for our little girl.

When we arrived at the agency, our social worker walked out to meet us in the parking lot. There in her arms was a teeny yellow blanket, with a little bit of dark hair peeking out. She handed Lael to me and said, "Here is your daughter."

What joy David and I felt in that moment. The child we had prayed for all of these years was resting quietly and peacefully in my arms. It was love at first sight!!!

God worked so many other miracles while in Vegas. He provided a wonderful family for me to stay with, he allowed the ICPC paperwork to be processed in record time, and he brought Lael and I safety home.

He also did a work in my heart. Initially, I was not fond of the idea of staying in Vegas alone with a newborn baby. I guess Las Vegas conjured up negative thoughts, "sin city" which left me feeling nervous and afraid. But, in the week I spent in Vegas, I learned that it is a place that should be renamed, "grace city" because God meets people and touches broken hearts and shattered dreams in Vegas.

Many go there looking for a second chance at a career, to party the pain away, or to strike it rich in Las Vegas. But, by the grace of God, HE has other plans for them. Plans to strip them of their own agendas...leaving Jesus in it's place. What a beautiful work God is doing in the hearts of the people there. What a beautiful work God did in my own heart. God met me in Vegas too, ya know.

Flying out of Vegas, I looked out across the flashing lights and the neon signs brightening the night sky. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I couldn't help but to think of how Jesus Christ adopted me many years ago. Not because I was talented enough, or pretty enough, or perfect enough...but because I was sinful enough...He knew I needed his grace. And to think that HE gave me a new life and now calls me..."HIS child".

I couldn't help but think about the wonderful women that brought Lael into this world. I thought about the sacrifice she made to give her to us. I wondered how she must have felt walking out of the hospital with empty arms. As the lights dimmed and shrunk in the distance, I prayed that God would meet her in Las Vegas too."

Finally, I then looked down at the precious baby, sleeping quietly against my chest. I smiled when I thought about how God placed her within my arms from the most unlikely and undesirable of places. On her birth certificate beside "name" was written, "unnamed baby girl". But by the grace of God, we were able to give her a name.

And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God was there, smiling...

I'M BACK!!

2010-08-11T11:48:00.003-04:00

Wow, it has been quite a month at the Marshall household! I apologize for leaving you all hanging for the last month, but our family has been bombarded with sickness. Two of our children ended up with pneumonia and my hubby and other daughter ended up sick for about a week with a fever and horrible cough. I am so thankful that every day we are seeing more and more improvements in their health.

On the adoption front, David and I have decided to start a few adoption fundraisers to help us raise the funds needed to complete the adoption. I recognize that many feel that trying to fund-raise for an adoption is wrong or at the very least "tacky". Hmmm. I do have a few opinions on this. (No surprise to those of you who know me, I'm sure.)

I am realizing more and more that God uses the miracle of adoption to profoundly touch the lives of many people, not just the family adopting or the child involved. I have seen first hand how lives have been changed as a result of hearing beautiful testimonies of families who have adopted when it seemed impossible to do so. I believe that many hearts have been softened to the gospel as a result. I have seen first hand how many orphans have found a forever family because of the generosity of the Church, friends, family, and even strangers. God somehow miraculously knits together a sea of people to defend the cause of the fatherless; and yet our lives are changed in the process. Isn't that beautiful?

I realize that God may not call every family to adopt, but He can still use your prayers, encouragement, and at times even your financial resources to join a family through adoption. Through my eyes, our desire to adopt is more than just "getting another child", but rather it is about living out the gospel...it is a reflection of God's goodness in adopting us as His own children...it is about learning to faithfully serve Him even in the midst of situations that seem utterly impossible. For us as hopeful adoptive parents, asking for help in raising funds for our adoption is so humbling. Trust me, on my own strength I would love nothing more than to be able to withdrawal $30,000.00 from my own savings account without having to ask for a single penny. But, on my own strength, I am full of pride and arrogance...the same pride and arrogance that causes me to trust in my own strength, resources, and power to make things happen rather than fully relying on God for our every need and provision.

I pray that no one reading is offended by my words or our fundraising efforts. And I would humbly ask you to prayerfully consider helping us by participating in one or both of the fundraisers...or if you are unable to so yourself, would you consider passing on the info to your friends and family members.

It is so exciting to expectantly wait and dream of the day that we will finally meet the child (or children) which God conceived within our hearts many years ago. I am also so thankful for all of you who are praying for us through our journey. Please continue to pray that God would give us wisdom, patience, and greater faith as we walk through the uncertainties of this wild ride!!

Here are the details about the two fundraisers:

1. Would you please consider signing up for Ebates to help us raise funds for our adoption? Ebates is a free service that gives you cash back when you shop online. After registering, click through the Ebates site to the store of your choice and buy something you already need. When you make your first purchase of $20 through Ebates, my family gets $5 for our adoption. Plus, you get $5 in your account just for signing up. If 300 people do this, we will receive a $4500 bonus! Invite friends to join through my link as well. Our link is:
http://www.ebates.com/rf.do?referrerid=MB%2BA8r4ZUWMgF8w%2FYlkmxw%3D%3D.

2. Would you please consider visiting our online store to purchase a bag of organic, fair-trade coffee? For every bag of coffee sold, we will receive $5 towards our adoption. Isn't that great? And, if we raise more funds than we need for our own adoption, we promise to "pay it forward" by donating any remaining money to another family who is actively pursuing adoption. I have no way of knowing who is ordering and therefore can not send personal thank-yous, but please let me tell you in advance how much we appreciate you sowing into our adoption for the glory of God! You can reach our store by clicking on the following link:
Just Love Coffee Store

God has taught me so much over the last month...I can't wait to share it all with you. But for now, I must get my kiddos lunch! I pray that you all have a blessed day, growing in your love for our Faithful Father and Merciful Savior.

MIA: Update

2010-07-23T08:30:00.002-04:00

I apologize for being MIA the last two weeks or so. It has been a crazy couple of weeks here. We traveled to visit my brother for a few days and upon arriving home, two of my children were sick...sick since Sunday. Currently, they are both STILL sick. I would appreciate prayers for healing for them.

I am hoping to take some time to write later this evening...

I just arrived home from taking Avidan to the ER. The poor little guy has pneumonia. Please pray for a quick and complete recovery for him. Also, please pray for Amaris who is also still sick. It has been one week and she still has a fever of around 104. I guess I will need to take her to the doctor's tomorrow to have her rechecked too.

I will update you as I know more...Thanks for your prayers!

Roller Coaster: Update

2010-07-12T23:20:00.004-04:00

Today, I have been teetering on the edge of feeling discouraged about our adoption journey. I have fought the urge to break down all day long; and now as the day has come to a close, I am just wondering when the floodgates will break loose into a sea of tears. (Maybe I shouldn't fight so hard to hold back the tears.)

Amazingly, David and I have been on this emotional roller coaster of trying to adopt for the last 6 years. We don't have any plans of stepping off this "wild ride" anytime soon (at least not without the child God has for us), but we are in need of continual prayer for daily wisdom, more grace, increased faith, and God's provision every step of the way.

We would appreciate your prayers!!

**Update: Yesterday was a rough day for me. A majority of the day was spent calling different agencies to find out information about costs to adopt within each program, adoption procedure through each agency, and waiting periods before a placement is potentially made. Part of the reason I was feeling so discouraged last night was that a few of the agencies I contacted out right told me that they couldn't help us. They explained that they have a policy prohibiting them from placing a child within a family who already has biological children. To add to the string of those words, they continued to explain that they generally have a difficult time finding families who are willing to adopt full African American infants (which we are willing to do). I completely understand that there are many couples without children who wish to adopt and that they should be given the opportunity to do so, but at the same time it makes no sense to turn down families who are willing, ready and committed...especially when a need exists.

The cost of adopting through each agency was really disheartening too. Many of the agencies (some even Christian agencies) are charging roughly $35,000.00 to adopt domestically. Wow, adoption has really turned into "big business" hasn't it. I guess I don't understand this. Does it really cost the agencies $35,000.00 to place a child within a family? Wouldn't you think that agencies would try make adoptions more affordable to allow more families to be able to adopt?

Also, a few of the agencies I contacted would not accept our "freshly completed" homestudy and would require us to start back at the beginning of the process by completing a new one. If there are more children in need of homes than there are families to take them, then what sense does it make to add more red tape to the already cumbersome process for families willing to adopt? I mean we have a completed homestudy from a reputable agency, shouldn't that be sufficient?

So, David and I are at a place were we have many decisions to make. Do we work with an agency? If so, which one? How do you really know which ones are reputable (it seems everyone I speak to has a different opinion)? And, is the cost reasonable in our minds, or do the agencies seem more concerned about lining their own pockets fueled by selfishness and greed.

I know that God will give us wisdom. I also feel confident that David and I are to persevere through this long, arduous roller coaster we are on. Last night, I guess I was just feeling so grieved by the reality that there are so many children waiting to be adopted, not enough families who are willing to adopt them, and the ridiculous cost and red tape agencies place upon families who are willing.

But this morning by the grace of God, the discouragement of yesterday has faded away. God has replaced the discouragement with a renewed passion (Does this surprise any of you who know me?)

A passion to trust God more fully

as the author of our desire to adopt and the ONE who will someday bring our desire into fruition.

A passion to pray for pregnant moms

who are grieving, and maybe being counseled by others to abort, that they will have the courage to choose life for their child.

A passion to pray for the orphans of the world,

for God's protection over their hearts and for God to raise up families who are willing to endure the red tape and the cost involved to care for the "least of these".

A passion to persevere

until the roller coaster ride our family is on has climbed it's last hill.

A passion to encourage others with a heart to adopt

not to live in fear of the roller coaster ride. Maybe the swift turns and the unknowns around each corner or the steep climb of each hill causes you to feel a bit weak in the knees, but this roller coaster ride is worth jumping onto...despite your fears. I want to encourage you to consider jumping on along with me, laughing, swinging your arms wildly in the air, and feeling the wind blowing across your face and through your hair each moment of the journey. And, I desire to pray for you throughout the process...it will surely be the best ride of your lives.

Humility of Helplessness

2010-07-09T00:08:00.002-04:00

Since Sunday, Isaac has been lying in the same recliner, with the same fever, and the same fits of coughing which redden his face and leave him fighting to catch a breath.

I feel helpless to help him.

He reads the expression on my face...I read the expression on his.

He feels helpless too.

Crying and scared, the girls call out to me from their beds. Through sounds of whimpering and sniffing they share, "We can't sleep, Mommy. We are so afraid." Patting their heads, I say a quick prayer and tell them that God is with them every moment; therefore, they don't need to be afraid. "But, we keep having scary thoughts that won't go away."

I feel helpless to help them.

"What if we have bad dreams after we fall asleep?"

They feel helpless too.

Eyes red with fatigue and body sore with exhaustion, David exhales. I snuggle up next to him and wrap my arms around his chest. "It's just been a crazy, busy week. Sometimes it just seems impossible to get everything at work done on time."

I feel helpless to help him.

He kisses me softly on the forehead, sighing again.

He feels helpless too.

I pause, my head tucked neatly in my hands...thoughts aimlessly spinning and racing through my mind. Then, like a gentle rain, giving refreshment to the wilted flowers, I feel HIS words raining down upon me, giving refreshment and nourishment to my soul.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

I slowly walk into the room where Isaac lies sleeping peacefully, free of coughing fits and gasping for air for a time. Feeling his forehead, I whisper softly,

"HIS grace is sufficient for you too, Isaac.

HIS power is made perfect in your weakness."

I make my way to the girls room. Their pillows still damp with remnants of tears, their bodies curled up in little, tight balls; I cover them. Softly, I whisper,

"HIS grace is sufficient for you too, girls.

HIS power is made perfect in your weakness."

"I crawl into bed and turn towards David. In the quietness of the room, I hear him breathing deeply, another days work has passed. Another days problems have passed too. Reaching out, I gently touch his hand and whisper softly,

"HIS grace is sufficient for you too, David.

HIS power is made perfect in your weakness."

I roll over, close my eyes, and meditate on HIS words once more....

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

One last thought comes to mind...

Thank you, LORD, for my helplessness!

"Only in the humility of helplessness will we discover the sufficiency of His presence." Charles Stanley

The Tooth Fairy Failure

2010-07-06T14:00:00.001-04:00

We experienced a joyous moment in our home yesterday. Several weeks ago, Eliana noticed her tooth was slightly loose. Finally, after weeks and weeks of wiggling the tooth, it was loose enough to be pulled. I gingerly tied a string to it, and with a quick snap of my wrist, out it flew. Simple!

Before bed, Eliana sat inspecting her tooth for quite awhile, then gently tucked it underneath of her pillow, hoping that by morning her tooth would be replaced with a wonderful surprise...a one dollar bill! After praying, I kissed her upon her forehead and watched as her hand slid up underneath of her pillow to touch the tooth one last time before she drifted off to sleep.

When Ellie woke up this morning, she ran into the room where I stood, "The tooth fairy forgot to come last night," she disappointingly said, as she held up the baggie containing her tooth for me to see. I felt terrible!

The truth is, my children have a horrible tooth fairy! I have thought many times that she should probably be fired. Here is a partial list of how the tooth fairy at our house has failed miserably at her job over the last several years:

1. Often times she doesn't show up...too busy with other things I guess.

2. When she does show up, she makes such a racket that the children are roused to a semi-state of wakefulness, opening their eyes to look around as the tooth fairy tries to become statuesque in the dark so as not to be noticed.

3. A few times, she has even carelessly left the retrieved tooth lying upon the kitchen table, only to be found eventually by the children.

4. She often times has no money and has to "borrow" a buck from one of the children until pay day.

5. The tooth fairy is not always able to find the tooth, so she just leaves it there, along with the one dollar bill. (Imagine Isaac's confusion and surprise at finding both the tooth and the one dollar bill under his pillow.)

Yep! I think if I were my children, I would fire that awful tooth fairy! She may be great at other things, but obviously collecting teeth is not one of them.

I apologized to Ellie for the tooth fairies negligence, hugged her, handed her fifty cents (which is all I could find), and reminded her of how much I love her. Ellie paused for a moment and then with words overflowing with grace she said, "It's okay that YOU forgot mommy. I know you love me. And, this just means that I get to look at my tooth a little longer. Everybody forgets things."

Even as I rewrite her words, tears begin to well up in my eyes. I am reminded of all of the times that I have been harsh with my children when they haven't performed to my standards, or when they are slow to understand what I am asking of them. And, yet Ellie's response was so different than mine. She was so quick to forgive, so quick to overlook my faults, and so quick to bring encouragement instead of criticism.

I am certain that God was smiling down upon Ellie as she responded so graciously to the forgetful tooth fairy. After all, Ellie's response reflected the very heart of God towards us, HIS children. Psalm 145:8-9 gives us a small glimpse of the gracious heart which God has towards us. It brings me so much encouragement to read it...

"The LORD is gracious, and full of compassion; slow to anger, and of great mercy. The LORD is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works."

I am thankful that Ellie was so gracious towards the forgetful, unreliable tooth fairy; but most of all, I am so thankful for God's amazing grace towards me as HIS child. To end, I would love to share a quote from Charles Spurgeon about the amazing grace of God. I pray it will forever resonate within my heart, and within yours as well.

"The bridge of grace will bear your weight, brother. Thousands of big sinners have gone across that bridge, yea, tens of thousands have gone over it. Some have been the chief of sinners and some have come at the very last of their days but the arch has never yielded beneath their weight. I will go with them trusting to the same support. It will bear me over as it has for them."

Bright, Green, Mysteriously Floating Balloon

2010-07-03T09:37:00.005-04:00

Avidan's eyes lit up as the man handed him the bright, green balloon, followed by the smile. He lifted his head back to look up at the green balloon which was brushing effortlessly across the ceiling. A look of amazement followed on Avi's face, "How is it possible that the balloon is staying up there and not falling back to the ground?" I could almost hear him thinking it. Even at his young age, he knew that something extraordinary was happening.

Never turning his gaze and attention away from the bright, green balloon, Avidan gave a quick tug to the balloon's string. Immediately the balloon responded, darting towards him, but only for a moment, when at last it gently floated back up, nestling itself safely against the ceiling. Avidan's face, still reacting in amazement and awe.

"Isn't that neat, Buddy? The balloon floats doesn't it?" He glanced at me for a moment, shook his head with eager agreement, and then quickly turned his attention back to the bright, green balloon still swishing back and forth against the ceiling. With that, Avi again tugged at the balloon string to watch the bright, green balloon travel up and down in the space between himself and the ceiling.

This went on for about an hour, over and over the same sequence of events. Avidan, tugging on the balloon string to force the bright, green balloon to dart towards him as he yanked, and watching the balloon as it made it's journey back up to touch the ceiling. Every time, with a sweet look of amazement and awe written in his big, round eyes, raised eyebrows, and the sweet countenance of his wide-mouthed smile.

Later that evening, after tucking Avi into bed for the night, I walked over to the bright, green balloon. Following Avi's example, I grabbed tightly to the string dangling beneath it. I then gave the balloon's string a quick, but firm tug, watched the balloon dart towards me for a moment, and then, watched as the bright, green balloon gently floated up to nestle itself safely against the ceiling.

I couldn't help but smile as I tilted my head back to look at the bright, green balloon. And, I couldn't help but whisper...

"Lord, help me to forever remain amazed and in awe

of YOU,

just as my sweet child has in this

bright, green, mysteriously floating balloon."

Don't Let Go of the Reigns

2010-07-01T10:28:00.015-04:00

As the horse keeper worked, saddling up the horses, attaching the bridles, and securing a bit into each horses mouth, he occasionally blurted out a short series of instructions to us. "Stay on the path at all times." His words seemed stern and cold. "Keep a safe distance between your horse and the one in front of you." But yet, his words carried with them a fatherly gentleness that was difficult to understand at the time.

After waiting anxiously for him to complete the task of preparing the horses to be ridden, the horse keeper helped me to mount up onto the horse that had been chosen for me. Looking me squarely in the eyes as he handed me the reigns, the keeper said, "Whatever you do, don't let go of the reigns!"

Giving me a quick nod with his hat, he moved on to help my brother, Tom, mount upon the horse he would be riding. After getting my brother properly positioned into his saddle, the keeper once again echoed the words, "Whatever you do, don't let go of the reigns!"

The horse keeper methodically continued down the line, helping each person waiting to mount upon a horse, always ending with the same stern phrase, "Whatever you do, don't let go of the reigns!"

Walking to the front of the line, the horse keeper mounted his own horse, turned to look at us one last time, and then gave a quick kick to the horses side, signaling to the horse that it was time to move. In succession, each of the other riders did the same, until the horses were each moving steadily behind the horse in front of it.

Tom was directly in front of me, and I could see that his horse had a bit of a stubborn streak. Coupled with my brother's young age and lack of maturity and experience in horseback riding, the difficult to manage horse was proving to be quite a handful for Tom. Each time the horse tried to veer off of the path, he would simply try to "shout" it into submission. However, his shouts were falling onto deaf ears, because the horse didn't seem to notice or care what Tom was shouting. The horse just continued to do whatever it pleased, relishing in the new found freedom being granted by my poor, helpless, inexperienced brother.

I am not really sure what happened next. I don't know if Tom just lost his concentration for a moment, or if the quick movement of the horse thrusting it's head down to eat some grass alongside the path was responsible, but the reigns dropped down off of the horses neck, falling near the mouth of the horse. My brother frantically tried to bend over to reach the reigns, but they were simply out reach of his short, childlike arms. As the horse started to move slowly to a new section of grass to eat, the reigns which should have been securely in my brother's hands, became caught under one of the horses hooves. Without any warning, the horse reared up onto it's back legs, gave a loud whinny, and set off fast as lightening with my brother holding on for dear life. Tom was crying out for help while trying to hold onto the mane of the horse to keep from falling off.

It only took the horse keeper a few seconds to recognize the commotion that was taking place behind him. He darted over, jumped off of his horse, and lunged at the flinging reigns. Immediately, after the reigns were securely in the keeper's hand, the horse quieted and seemed unafraid. He simply thrust his head back down to resume his eating as if nothing had ever happened.

The horse keeper looked at Tom, still sitting on top of his horse, obviously shaken by the events that had just occurred, and sternly said to him, "I thought I told you that whatever you do, don't let go of the reigns."

But in the words that followed, the sternness was replaced by a fatherly gentleness, "You could have been killed. I am so glad you are alright."

As I think back upon that day, watching my brother struggling to grab hold of the reigns of that wild horse, I am freshly reminded of God's care for us as His children and our daily need for Him.

It was horrifying as a child to watch my brother clinging to that wild horse, starring at the reigns dangling on the ground beneath the horses hooves. I wish he would have listened, would have clung tightly to them. The horse keeper's words brought protection, wisdom, "Whatever you do, don't let go of the reigns!"

I am encouraged...

I am stirred...

I am committed...

"Whatever I do, I will not let go of the reigns."

The Love Killer

2010-06-30T08:27:00.001-04:00

Today, I am being prompted to grow in my marriage through

FIGHTING THE SELFISHNESS IN MY HEART BY FINDING CONTENTMENT IN CHRIST ALONE

It was one year ago when it happened. I had been anticipating it's arrival for weeks, maybe even months. Finally, when it arrived I couldn't wait to see what was in store for me...it was our anniversary after-all, and David had known for several weeks about the weekend date I had arranged. I was certain that he would sweep me off of my feet once again and "romance" me like he used to in our earlier years.

I dropped the children off at a friends house, drove back home, and then patiently (not-so patiently is more accurate) waited for David to come home from work. All the while, dreaming about what my wonderful husband must have planned to make our weekend together really special and memorable. Like a small child, anxiously awaiting the arrival of Christmas, I waited, looked at my watch, waited some more, looked out the window, and waited some more. Finally, I could see David's car heading towards our driveway. I jumped up from my seat and eagerly ran out to greet him.

After giving David a little time to unwind after working all day, I asked, "So, what are we going to do tonight?" The response came as quite a shock to me, "I don't know, what do you want to do?"

I didn't even know what to say. I was so sure that David had planned a great weekend date for the two of us! So I inquired a little more, "Are we going out to eat somewhere?" Again, the response came as quite a shock, "I don't know, I haven't really thought about it."

Immediately, I could feel the anger bubbling up inside of me...like a carbonated beverage that's been shaken up, just waiting for the lid to be loosened so that it can explode. That pretty well sums up how I felt right at that moment. I just couldn't believe that David hadn't planned anything for our anniversary, and I was going to make my feelings very clear. The cold shoulder always works well for that.

Would you believe that I was so angry that I barely said a handful of words to my husband most of the weekend. He of course felt the tension between us, so he just kind of kept his distance from me, which only intensified the anger that I felt. "He should be pursuing me and making me feel loved and appreciated! I mean, I went to all of the hard work of scheduling the date, the least he could do is plan something nice for us to do together!"

Thankfully, right before we went to pick up our children, we had a discussion, mutually pouring out our thoughts and disappointments with one another...and eventually confessing our sins, seeking forgiveness, and most of all, regretting our stupidity in wasting an entire weekend being rude and angry towards one another.

I take full responsibility for our wonderfully anticipated weekend date ending up as a miserable and lonely "no-show" instead. I had been extremely SELFISH! I had placed several expectations upon David that were just outright unfair.

In the moment, I felt that David had a responsibility to sweep me off of my feet...meanwhile my sin of selfishness was being deliberately swept under the rug by my pride.

To be really honest, I had lost sight of the fact that my contentment must come from Christ alone, and not from the actions of my husband.

Looking back, I am amazed that I didn't even bother to consider the fact that I could have planned a wonderfully romantic weekend date for David. Hmmm, I wonder why that never crossed my mind? I will give you a clue. It begins with MY SELF. Yep, I was being selfish. I wanted, what I wanted, when I wanted it because I had failed to remember that only God can complete me!

My guess, is that you can relate in some way to this story; after all, we are more alike than different when it comes to our sins and struggles in life. Maybe you just feel unappreciated and unloved by your husband and it is beginning to wear you down emotionally. You may wonder why your response really matters anyway. Well, I would appeal to you that your response does matter. The Bible has much to say on the topic of selfishness. Read the following verses, if you will.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth." 1 Corinthians 13:4-6

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." Philippians 2:3

"Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil." James 3-13-15

"For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere." James 3:16-17

Wow! I am so humbled.

I remember hearing at a marriage conference several years ago that "selfishness kills love". Oh, how true and wise those words are, causing my heart to sting with regret and pain at my own selfishness within me. Sadly, I am certain that it is not the last time that my selfishness will rear it's ugly head in my marriage to David, because I am a sinner...and as long as I am on this earth, I always will be.

But, I know that God's desire would be for me to seek to find my contentment in Christ alone, through learning to love HIM more. Only Jesus has the power to change my selfish heart and give me true contentment within my life and marriage.

I would like to end with two quotes that really spoke to me this morning. I hope they will speak to you as well.

"When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now." C.S. Lewis

"You say, "If I had a little more, I should be very satisfied." You make a mistake. If you are not content with what you have, you would not be satisfied if it were doubled." Charles Spurgeon

Cultivating Tender Thoughts

2010-06-29T07:00:00.013-04:00

Today, as I was folding my husband's clothing, I started thinking about how amazing it is that God has allowed David and I to share our lives together. In our 15 years of marriage, we have experienced great joys and bitter sorrows, pleasant memories and difficult trials, the birth of children and the loss of jobs. And, I wouldn't change a thing!

I am equally amazed that God chose a man like David, who is so patient and kind despite my crazy antics, strong opinions, and burning passions, which would drive most people crazy. He is unbelievably patient and kind even when I have refused to allow him to use the toilet, simply because I had just finished cleaning it and I didn't want it to get dirty again. Or, when out of the blue I have decided to boycott a company like Kelloggs because they are using genetically modified ingredients in the food they produce. My wonderful husband simply smiled and ate the organic, less-tasty cereal I purchased instead. I could learn a lot from David's example.

Recently, I read a book entitled, "When Sinners Say I Do", by Dave Harvey. I would highly recommend it to married couples, couples who are engaged, and even to those who are single, but hope to marry in the future. It really drives home the fact that a marriage consists of two sinners, both in need of a Savior and that our husbands are hand-picked to bring out our sinful attitudes, behaviors, and thoughts as a way of sanctifying us...conforming us more and more to the image of Christ. This is certainly true in my marriage. God has used my marriage to David to make me more painfully aware of my sins,and more humbly aware of my Savior.

I found a wonderful quote by Elisabeth Elliot which stirs me as a wife to grow in grace towards my husband, and I hope it will stir you as well:

"The consciousness that we are alike in our need of redemption is a liberating one. For there will be times when you find yourself accusing, criticizing, resenting...But you will find yourself disarmed utterly, and your accusing spirit transformed into loving forgiveness the moment you remember that you did, in fact marry only a sinner, and so did he. It's grace you both need...you love, accept, and forgive that sinner as you yourself expect to be loved, accepted, and forgiven. You know that 'all have sinned and come short of the glory of God,' and this includes your husband who comes short, also, of some of the glories you expected to find in him. Come to terms with this once and for all and then walk beside him as 'heirs together of the grace of life.'"

As I thought about my marriage today, I realized that there are many areas in which God would desire for me to grow as a wife, as a way of bringing honor to David and glory to God. So, over the next several days, I would like to share a few of them with you.

My prayer is that each of you would meditate on these truths as well, and by doing so, that your faith would be strengthened, that your love towards your husband would be rekindled, and that ultimately your marriage would be a beautiful reflection of "God's amazing grace".

And, as always, I would love to hear about the changes that God is bringing about within your marriage or within your heart as a woman as you read, reflect, and apply His word.

Today, I am being prompted by the Lord to grow in my marriage through,

CULTIVATING TENDER THOUGHTS TOWARDS MY HUSBAND.

How?
1. By "taking captive" any critical thoughts I have towards my husband, and replacing them with true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable thoughts towards him.

One of the best ways I can think of to put this truth into action is by praying for David throughout the day. Thanking God for the hard-working, loving husband He has given me and by choosing to let go of the unrealistic exceptions that I unfairly place on him. Ahh, I am ashamed to admit that often times, I have placed selfish expectations upon David, simply because I am overly absorbed with my own desires, wants, and needs; stirring up selfishness and pride, and a whole host of other nasty things which I am not proud of. But as I try and look towards the needs of David first, willingly letting go of the unfair expectations I have placed upon him, and as I seek to grow in serving him instead of expecting to be served, my thoughts also become more tender towards David and more pleasing to the Lord.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." Philippians 4:8

2. By remembering all of the things that attracted me to David when we were first married.

As a wife and mom, there are so many thoughts that consume my days... Where did the kids hide the bread I was planning to use for breakfast? Did the dog eat my "to do" list again this week? Does trying to walk through the house with a screaming child hanging from my leg count as exercise? And these thoughts all occur within the first 10 minutes of jumping (or should I say crawling) out of bed.

I find that at times I am so consumed by the other thoughts spinning around in my head, that I rarely take time to think of David throughout the day. The following quote from Shirley Rice is a wonderful reminder of the necessity of taking time to intentionally cultivate tender thoughts towards my husband.

"By the grace of God, I want you to start changing your thought pattern. Tomorrow morning, get your eyes off the toaster or the baby bottles long enough to look at him. Don't you see the way his coat fits his shoulders? Look at his hands. Do you remember when just to Look at his strong hands made your heart life. Well, LOOK at him and remember. Then, loose your tongue and tell him you love him."

I am so encouraged! Today, I am going to spend time praying for David, asking God to help me find ways of serving him, and intentionally taking the time to remember all of the things that I love so dearly about the amazing man God gave me.

I hope that you are encouraged as well, to cultivate loving tender thoughts towards your husband, ask God to rid your mind of any critical thoughts you may have against him, and pray that God would enable you to sincerely give thanks for the wonderful and precious gift HE has given you.

Oh, and don't forget to greet your hubby when he walks through the door by wrapping your arms lovingly around him, kissing him on the lips (even if the children are around), and telling him how much you love and appreciate him.

The Mountainside Experience

2010-06-28T00:08:00.001-04:00

The coolness of the evening breeze could be felt as Isaac and I walked, both of us enjoying our special time together. Looking out over the sea of people and campsites surrounding us, I listened as Isaac talked about the great time he was having at the Creation Festival. It was our last night before returning home, so I was hoping to make it a really special evening for my son. Little did I know that God had a wonderful teaching moment in store for the two of us.

High upon the mountainside was an overlook, revealing the the beautiful valley below. I knew Isaac would love it, so I grabbed his tiny hand and slowly led the way to the base of the trail, walking along side of him. We hadn't walked very far when it occurred to me that it was begging to get dark and we had no flashlight. So, I picked up the pace in hopes of making it to the top and back down before the trail was lost in the darkness. But Isaac's little 4 year old legs just could not keep up with the quick pace I had set. Frequently, we had to stop to give his legs time to rest and recuperate before attempting to climb higher up the trail.

About half-way up the mountainside, the path was no longer visible to our eyes. Darkness had set in, leaving only an occasional flickering of lights from the movement of other people's flashlights way up in the distance. Although I didn't want to show it, I was scared. We could not see anything surrounding us at all! It was pitch black.

I was so afraid that I would lead my child to the cliffs' edge without even realizing it, or that Isaac would stumble on the rocky path in front of him, leaving him injured. "Ahhh! What was I thinking by bringing my young son up a mountain without a flashlight to lead us?"

I stopped moving and stood almost paralyzed on the mountainside, silently praying for help. I could sense that Isaac was becoming afraid as well. I squeezed his hand a little tighter, pulled him a little closer toward my body, and assured him that everything was going to be alright. I am not quite sure how long the two of us were standing upon that dark mountainside alone, but it seemed like forever.

Then out of the blue, two girls walked up behind us and noticed us standing there. Without asking any questions, one of them walked over next to me and handed me her flashlight. In that instant, a peace swept over me. Shining the light in front of us, I was overwhelmed with thankfulness for God's protection over us.

The path could clearly be seen now, exposing the unsteady ground, the cliffs, and the other dangers that seemed to lurk in the darkness. I once again grabbed Isaac's hand and we slowly, but confidently made our way to the overlook at the top of the mountainside. We stood for several moments on the platform admiring the beauty of the scene playing out below us as several hundreds of thousands of candles were being lit, followed by a chorus of voices, singing their praises to God. It was a sight to behold.

On the walk back down the steep incline, with flashlight in hand, we had a wonderful conversation about how our experience of trying to walk up the steep incline of the mountainside without a flashlight, is very much like trying to live our lives in spiritual darkness without Christ. It was very frightening not to have any light marking the path as we walked up the steep rocky path. In the same way, without Jesus we are simply wandering around in the darkness, uncertain of what is ahead in our lives.

"I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness." John 12:46

"The name of the LORD is a strong tower: the righteous run to it, and are safe." Proverbs 18:10

We then thought about all of the obstacles that we had to overcome to make it to the top of the mountain, such as the rocks and unlevel ground and the cliffs sitting upon the trails shoulder. The flashlight clearly lit up the path in front of us; therefore, we didn't need to fear the things meant to cause us to stumble, for they were exposed by the light and could be avoided.

"Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand delivers me." Psalm 138:7

And, we talked about how the flashlight is like the Bible, providing us with direction and wisdom. Without the flashlight, we could have easily made a life-threatening step. So it is without the Bible.

"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. Psalm 119:105

Although I wouldn't wish to repeat our journey up the steep mountain without a light directing us, I am thankful that God choose to use my foolishness in forgetting my flashlight to once again lovingly remind me and my precious son of our need for Him, in every circumstance, every day, at every moment in of our lives.

Cream-e-sew-er-y...Go Ahead and Laugh, It's Good For You

2010-06-27T00:52:00.002-04:00

As I was driving to my mom's house for a visit, I could hear the girls carrying on a lively conversation in the backseat of the van.

Have you ever has the opportunity to listen to 7 and 8 year old giggly girls carrying on a conversation? It is very entertaining!

They fluttered from one topic to the next every few minutes; one minute talking about serious matters the next just being silly. But no matter which topic they were discussing, it was obvious that they were genuinely enjoying each others company, which blessed me.

We had made it to about the half-way point on our trip, when we passed a cemetery.

Ellie immediately noticed it and shouted out to Amaris, "AMARIS LOOK! IT'S A SEWER!"

Then, very calmly and confidently Amaris offered her correction, "That is not a sewer, Ellie. A sewer is for pee and poo, but that place is for dead people. It is a creamery."

I could hardy contain myself. It was so funny, I almost peed my pants.

Well, if I have a choice of being buried at the sewer or at the creamery, I think I will choose the second option...I know my spirit will be in heaven so it shouldn't really matter, but I am only thinking of all of you. I mean, it would sure stink for you to have to visit me at the sewer.

Have a wonderful Sunday and remember to laugh a little today!

"A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." Proverbs 17:22

Thank You Lord

2010-06-26T07:00:00.011-04:00

Crusty layers of spaghetti sauce cover Avidan's body,

with a sigh and a wet washcloth in hand,

I gently scrub my little boy hoping that eventually, he won't be tinted red.

I AM TIRED

The dishes in the sink are overflowing, remnants of the morning's breakfast offering a discouraging reminder that I had forgotten to run the dishwasher,

and now have double the work to do after the children are in bed.

I HAVE A HEADACHE

Clothing sits piled high upon my couch,

waiting to be sorted, folded, and packed for camp.

I haven't even completed half of the packing list yet.

I WISH I WERE GOING ON VACATION TOO

On the table is my checkbook.

The one I haven't balanced in several months.

I FEEL LIKE WATCHING TV

Weeds have taken over my garden and are beginning to suffocate my plants.

The beauty of our landscaping is quickly becoming an eyesore.

I WOULD LOVE A MASSAGE

My Bible, sits undisturbed on the coffee table.

My mind fights the desire to pick it up.

"I have too much to do already, I can't take time to read right now."

I break down, tears flowing from my eyes.

Weeping, I cry out...

"I can't do it all, I am exhausted."

A still small voice responds...

"You are right, Satin.

You can't do it all.

You need a Savior.

My grace is sufficient for you,

for my power is made perfect in weakness."

I pause for a moment in silence, reflecting.

I slowly walk over, pick up my Bible and open it.

Under my breath I whisper...

HELP ME, LORD.

As I read the words on the page in front of me,

I break down again.

This time with laughter,

rejoicing in God's gentle reminder to me,

a sinner with a wonderful Savior.

"...I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,

so that Christ's power may rest on me.

... I delight in weaknesses,

in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.

For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Humbly, I bow my head and close my eyes,

uttering the only words that seem appropriate...

"Thank you, Lord."

Postpartum Depression: My Journey

2010-06-25T07:00:00.022-04:00

Shortly after the birth of Eliana, sadness monopolized my days and guilt pressed down heavily upon me even as I slept. Fear sat at my doorstep waiting for an opportunity to attack my weakening frame; my mind eventually surrendering out of sheer exhaustion. Daily, I grew more and more fragile and afraid. My battle to survive was being fought in silence and shame. Postpartum depression had arrived uninvited, stripping me of months of joy. Months that, even today seem dark and painful to recall.

Do not fear,

As Eliana lay peacefully in my arms, my mind was tormented by thoughts, awful thoughts and accompanying pictures that I couldn't shake away. I, was having thoughts of cutting myself, slitting my wrists, with no one there to rescue me.

for I am with you;

In desperation, I remember turning on the TV, trying to replace the agonizing pictures so vividly playing out in my mind. But every image on the screen only served as a reminder of the razor sitting in the shower, waiting for me and quietly whispering my name. At times, I would catch myself holding the razor in my hand, paralyzed for a few moments until I could force my fingers to release their grip.

Do not anxiously look about you,

Even when I would tightly close my eyes and cover my tear-drenched face with my hands, the thoughts remained. When my children would jump into my lap, throwing their loving arms around my neck, the thoughts continued to pull me far from their embrace. The thoughts which I battled daily left me feeling hopeless, the anxiety left me struggling to breathe. Being alone with my children caused unbridled fear, "What if I harm them?"

For I am your God.

At night, I would silently cry myself to sleep, often times too weak to even utter a prayer for help. One night, I remember trying to write down several Bible verses, so desirous of encouragement and hope. My mind and body were so weakened by the thoughts tormenting me day and night, all I could do was crumple up the paper filled with life-giving words and hold it tightly in my hands throughout the night. Many a night I held that crumpled piece of paper...occasionally crying out, "Help me, please help me, Lord!"

I will strengthen you,

Finally, my "secret" was too much to bear alone. So reluctantly, I told David and a few of my closest friends, but still the battle within my mind continued to rage on...until I could admit that I needed help to get well.

surely I will help you,

Walking into the emergency room was the scariest thing I have ever done. With irrational thoughts spinning round my head, palms sweating, heart pounding, my body shaking under the stress and fear of the unknown...yet, God was with me! His presence was so clearly felt next to me as I sat in that cold, sterile bed in the ER. He gave me hope...He reminded me that everything was going to be alright.

surely I will uphold you

The truth is, God was with me all along. In the midst of every sleepless night, HE WAS THERE. While battling every thought of hurting myself, HE WAS THERE. In the midst of every anxiety attack, HE WAS THERE, upholding me with His righteous right hand.

with My righteous right hand.

And, God is with you too, no matter what you are battling. He may not immediately remove the trial you are facing, but He is faithful to remain an "ever present help in trouble." Whether it be postpartum depression like me, or the loss of a loved one, or the uncertainty of your future, you are not alone; HE IS THERE! Trust Him to help you, to strengthen you, to place within you a living hope anchoring you to Jesus Christ.

Isaiah 41:10

HE IS THERE, right there next to you. So close that maybe you can feel the warmth of his breath on your shoulder. HE IS THERE, ready to uphold you with His righteous right hand.

"Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you;
he will never permit the righteous to be moved." Psalm 55:12

Colorful Candy Confetti

2010-06-24T07:00:00.003-04:00

The sound of giggling from behind the closed bedroom door was a dead give-away...the girls (Amaris, Eliana, and their cousin Maggie) were up to something.

"Girls", I called, "Is everything alright in there?" My words brought with them a quiet hush to the laughter.

Finally, one of the girls bravely responded to my inquiry, "Yes mommy, everything is fine. We are just having a party."

At that moment I should have swung the door wide open to expose the intent of the girls, but instead I decided to walk away for a few moments to complete a few chores.

Again, the laughter was heard. This time louder, along with a few high-pitched squeals and some strange sound that I could not easily identify. Standing with my ear to the door, I listened, intently trying to figure out what the odd sound coming from behind the bedroom door was.

Without warning, I swung open the bedroom door. The girls turned quickly, facing me like a deer caught in the headlights, wide-eyed and shocked to see me standing there.

Sternly I asked, "WHAT ARE YOU GIRLS UP TO?"

"We are having a party, mom!"

Two empty bottles lay empty on the floor next to the girls. I walked over, picked up the empty containers to see for myself what this threesome had been up to.

"SPRINKLES! GIRLS, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SPRINKLES?"

"We used them. Sprinkles make nice confetti."

For the first time since entering the room, I allowed my eyes to scan the perimeter. Nearly every flat surface in the bedroom was covered with brightly colored candy sprinkles. Upon closer inspection, I realized that sprinkles were even scattered throughout the freshly made beds.

I WAS NOT HAPPY!

"GIRLS, YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO THROW CANDY ALL OVER YOUR ROOM!"

Silence was the only reply...

"THE THREE OF YOU WILL PICK UP EVERY BIT OF THIS MESS, RIGHT NOW! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

I am not sure I even gave them a chance to respond. I walked out of the room, angrily told David what had transpired, and proceeded to collect brooms and dustpans for the three little "party-goers" to clean-up with.

As the girls swept, shook out the sheets, and wiped down the dresser, I sat observing the threesome for a few moments. The laughter which once filled the room was a distant memory, the smiles had been replaced with a countenance of sadness and shame, and the party which had once rained down "colorful candy confetti" had ended abruptly.

I am such a party-pooper! I mean, was there really any harm in celebrating with "candy confetti"? Of course not! But, I didn't want to clean-up after the party had ended and the threesome had zonked out for the night.

The bottom line...I was angry that the girls had "inconvenienced" ME, disrupted MY peaceful afternoon, and used ALL of MY sprinkles...I mean I use them like once a year for cupcakes, now what would I use?

Isn't it true that as Christians, we can be tempted to allow our circumstances to rob us of our joy in the LORD? At times, it seems that the mundane tasks of life overwhelm us as Christians, causing us to grumble and complain rather than rejoicing in the fact that we are SAVED BY GRACE.

But, God's desire for us would be that we would overflow with joy, rooted in the knowledge that as Christians we have been forgiven of our sins, accepted into Christ's family, and we have been given eternal life.

Maybe you dislike your job, and it takes every bit of energy you can muster in the morning to even get out of bed. Maybe you have a child who is difficult to manage and feel defeated before you even say hello in the morning.

God desires to fill you with un-speakable joy in the midst of the circumstances which you find yourself. Not just an outward, pretend kind of happiness, but an internal joy...giving you hope and assurance for what ever your future holds and producing perseverance .

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4

Today, I was thinking back to the afternoon when the girls threw the "colorful candy confetti" all over the bedroom. I remember the countenances of the threesome changing, smiles turning to frowns, shoulders slumping under the weight of disappointment, and the boisterous giggling that once echoed throughout the house ceasing to echo anymore.

May we be different as Christians...

May we look towards Christ in the midst of our trials... finding joy! May the rooms of our heart always be filled with "colorful candy confetti" raining down, bringing laughter and smiles from deep within us.

Attentive Ears

2010-06-23T07:00:00.003-04:00

This morning, I had a conversation with my daughter, Amaris. Well actually, she did all of the talking, I just listened. Ummm...maybe I wasn't quite listening either. The truth is, I was feeling mentally exhausted and felt entitled to "check out" for a few moments.

As Amaris spoke, I recall gently smiling, giving an occasional shake of my head in agreement with whatever she was saying, and every now and then I would utter a few random phrases such as "Really", "Uh, Huh", or "That's great, Amaris", so I "appeared" engaged and interested in what she was saying.

After several minutes, it seemed that Amaris became fully aware of my "fake listening" when she stopped, sighed, and with disappointment in her voice stated, "You are not even listening, Mommy". Initially, I tried to console her..."Oh honey, of course I was listening". Come on...Are you kidding?...I knew full well that I wasn't listening! Sadly, Amaris' words had fallen on deaf ears.

Not only was I too selfishness and prideful to admit that I wasn't really listening to a word she was saying; I also showed a complete lack of love and respect for my daughter. In that moment, my actions spoke volumes to her...

"Mommy cares more about herself than she does about anyone else, including me."

And, do you know what? She's right!

I am so grieved to have treated my precious daughter whom I love so deeply in such a rude manner. I mean, I personally know how it feels to try and have a conversation with someone who you know is not really paying attention to you as you speak...it feels simply awful!

You know how it feels too...

I am so thankful that God is not like me!

"And this is the confidence which we have in him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have obtained the requests made of him." 1 John 5:14-15

"The Lord has heard my supplication, The Lord receives my prayer." Psalm 6:9

"The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous And His ears are open to their cry." Psalm 34:15

"The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, To all who call upon Him in truth. He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He will also hear their cry and will save them." Psalm 145:18-19

It is so humbling to think that there has never been a word spoken which has escaped God's ears. And in our lifetimes, He will never ignore a single prayer uttered, a single word whispered, a single praise shouted, or a single burden cried-out by us, His children.

Reading the scriptures above all should stir our hearts...it should stir my heart, to talk to God with more and more fervency and devotion. After all, we are His children and He delights in hearing the sound of our voices, because He loves us!

Feast like a Flamingo

2010-06-22T14:38:00.004-04:00

I woke up this morning thinking about flamingos. (I have no idea why flamingos would come to mind at 6:30 in the morning...my mind just works in mysterious ways, I guess.)

Aren't flamingos beautiful creatures? Did you know that the female only lays and cares for one egg at a time. And unlike most birds, which regurgitate food in order to feed their offspring, both male and female flamingos actually secrete a milk-like substance that provides the young bird with the proper nourishment until it's beak has fully developed, at which point it can begin to search for food independently.

Isn't it equally amazing that a flamingo can stand so still and lifeless on one leg while the other leg is tucked neatly underneath it during periods of sleep or rest? And, a flamingo has the ability to fly up to 35 miles per hour. Crazy!! Can you imagine flying with such an awkwardly long neck sticking out in front of you and two long spindly legs trailing behind? If I were a flamingo, I think I would be tempted to keep both legs safely on the ground!

Then, there is the unique way in which a flamingo eats. I mean, have you ever thought about the fact that a flamingo eats with it's head positioned upside-down and backwards? Yup! Watch next time you see one. A feasting flamingo appears to be standing on it's head! Quite funny, actually! The flamingo takes water, mud, and food from shallow shorelines while "standing on it's head", gently it rocks it's head in a back and forth motion to filter out all of the "yucky" stuff, and sucks the nutrients down with it's vacuum like tongue. Simply incredible!

But, in my opinion, the most amazing characteristic of a flamingo, is that a flamingo's diet is responsible for the beautiful pinkish salmon color of it's feathers. If foods rich in carntenoid pigments (like the pigments of carrots) are eaten regularly, the flamingo's feathers become more vibrant and colorfully pinkish. On the other hand, the fewer the carntenoid rich foods being eaten on a regular basis, the paler the coloring of the feathers, often times resulting in birds that appear virtually "colorless". This "lack of coloring" is often an indication that the flamingo is a very sick or malnourished bird. Only God can create such an incredible characteristic! Simply amazing!

It may appear that as humans, we share no commonalities with this unique bird. However, I think that as Christians we are quite similar to the flamingo. I mean think about it...

As Christians, we require a steady diet of God's word to remain healthy and well-nourished spiritually. Without spending time in the Bible, we begin to become almost colorless...our consciences may become dull, our ability to hear from the Lord decreases, and we begin to hunger and thirst for things that may cause further weakening to our already sick bodies.

But, what makes the Bible so special?

I mean, how does the Word of God really keep us healthy spiritually?

How does a steady diet rich in God's Word provide Christians with the nourishment needed to stay vibrant and colorful throughout our lives?

I am glad you asked! :)

1. A steady diet rich in God's Word protects us from sin:

"I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you." Psalm 119:11

2. A steady diet rich in God's word equips us for every good work:

"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."

3. A steady diet rich in God's word encourages us with the truth:

"For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope." Romans 15:4

4. A steady diet rich in God's word provides wisdom in daily life:

"Your commandments make me wiser than my enemies,
         For they are ever mine.
   I have more insight than all my teachers,
         For Your testimonies are my meditation.
I understand more than the aged,
         Because I have observed Your precepts." Psalm 119:98-100

5. A steady diet rich in God's word reminds us of Good News of Jesus Christ:

"For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." II Corinthians 5:21

A flamingo needs to eat foods rich in carntenoids to produce bright and beautiful salmon colored feathers. Without it, the feathers will turn nearly "colorless".

As Christians, we need a steady diet rich in God's Word to produce a strong and enduring faith in Christ...

I guess we are not so different from the flamingo after all.

My prayer is that everyone reading will begin to hunger and thirst for righteousness, through feasting upon the Word of God...and like the flamingo, that all of us would would be visibly changed as a result.

"Now what is food for the inner man? Not prayer, but the Word of God; and here again, not the simple reading of the Word of God, so that it only passes through our minds, just as water passes through a pipe, but considering what we read, pondering it over and applying it to our hearts." George Mueller

The Placental Brain Moment

2010-06-21T07:12:00.003-04:00

I can't believe that I am about to do this....really, I must be insane! I am going to tell you about my most embarrassing moment. Well...one of them. And the funny thing is, no one was even around to witness my most embarrassing moment, except me and God. But trust me, two witnesses were quite enough...I might have been lobbying to move to a new town where NO ONE knew me if anyone else had seen. I am quite certain that God still affectionately laughs at "His silly little girl" when He recalls what I like to call my "placental brain moment" (yes, I was pregnant.). Hormones....what can I say?

It was a very hot summery afternoon. I was in the kitchen, oven turned on, stove blasting, making a meal for a family in our church who had just had a baby. Did I mention that it was very HOT? After the meal was nearly completed, I decided that since my clothing was drenched from sweating my guts out, that it would probably be a wise idea to shower before delivering the meal. So, I showered, dried my hair, and rushed to the kitchen to wrap the meal up and double check my list to make sure that I wasn't forgetting anything.

When I looked at the clock, I realized that I was running late. With a quick sigh and quite possibly another pause to wipe off the new sweat that was forming on my forehead, I grabbed the meal and out the door I went. I jumped into the car, put on my seat belt, turned the car on, took one more glance at the food sitting in the passenger seat next to me (which I was feeling quite proud of, BTW), and drove off.

About a mile down the road, something dawned on me...

I had forgotten to put on pants! (Go back to paragraph 2...showered, dried hair, rushed to wrap up meal...notice no mention of the words "put on pants"?)

I was on my way to deliver a meal to friends from the church... in just my UNDERWEAR!

I slammed on the breaks, shuttered at the thought of what may have happened had I not actually noticed until I arrived at the family's house that I was just wearing my gutchies, and quickly turned back around to "complete" my wardrobe.

Alright, please stop laughing at me now...I can almost feel the earth shake from all of the laughter at my expense. Just please remember that I am trying to be humble here.

So, you may be thinking,

What could Satin's experience of nearly delivering a meal without pants on possibly teach me?"

I am so glad you asked! I will sum it up in one sentence for you...

Make it your passion to care about what God thinks about you according to His word, not what you or others think...

So, now I have a challenge for you.

I would like for you to spend this week searching scripture and meditating on it, to see how God feels about about you as His child. Then, if you are wiling, post a comment or send me an email sharing what He has taught you.

Also feel free to share a most embarrassing moment...trust me, it will keep you humble.

In Need of Being Rescued

2010-06-20T20:58:00.001-04:00

Dazed and confused, the little bird sat on our gravel driveway. Chirping helplessly, it cried out for help, desiring safety from the cruel fate that it must have known awaited it if it were to linger in the open space on the gravel too long ...the jaws of our cat, Toby. Near the tiny feathered creature, was another baby bird, this one having already lost it's fight to remain alive. Compassionately, Amaris expressed that she felt it was her duty to protect this little helpless baby bird from our cat or some other danger that awaited it. After pleading her case, I gave a simple "yes" nod of my head in the direction of my daughter.

Slowly bending down over the birds shivering little frame, Amaris lovingly scooped it up, pulled it gently against her chest, and carried it safely towards the aquarium underneath the awning of our porch. The second she picked it up, the bird chirped even more wildly, more loudly. Perhaps the other birds were watching what was happening too, for in an instant, the forest seemed to erupt with an outcry of screeching and chirping. Several birds began to swoop near to Amaris' head, wildly flapping their wings, showing their claws as they flew by. I wonder if one of them was the baby bird's momma.

This poor little helpless bird had no idea that it's life was being saved from the jaws of the cat. It was fearful of the very one who was trying to save it's life. The other birds too had no idea that Amaris was a friend, full of compassion towards this little creature, but rather they were afraid that she was planning to harm it. And interestingly, the other birds were helpless on their own strength or faculties to protect this little baby from being harmed. The other squealed and squalled, but the truth is, the baby was still on the gravel, in the wide-open driveway, all alone...and they were unable to save it.

In watching this scene play out, I was freshly reminded as a Christian of my own salvation through Jesus Christ. At one time, I was like that little helpless baby bird...afraid, alone, maybe at the time not even realizing the extremity of the danger that I was in. But God, in His great mercy, rescued me. No one else could have saved me...not my parents, or friends, or even my pastor. I couldn't be saved from my sin as a result of attending church, completing a confirmation class, or by being born in a Christian family. No! Only Jesus could save me. Prior to experiencing the full unmerited favor of Jesus Christ, I spent as much time as that little bird, chirping wildly, fully unaware of my need for salvation.

What about you? Are you like the little bird, out it in wide-open gravel driveway, in need of being rescued? Or the parent of an unsaved child, wildly chirping, swooping down to show your claws as you fly by, thinking that if you do or say the right things, that maybe your child might be saved? Moms, Dads...your best efforts can not save your child or offer to them the forgiveness of sins. Only the blood of Jesus Christ can do that!

Be encouraged, because God delights in saving sinners.

"For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast." Ephesians 2:8-9

Just Enjoy the Ride

2010-06-19T15:54:00.017-04:00

The directions seemed so simple and clear when my mom first spoke them. I had planned to go to the mall for awhile, but the main road in her town was closed, which necessitated taking an alternate route. "You just go up to the top of the hill. When you see the corn fields, take a right. Go down the road about a mile to the bottom of the hill and take another right. That will take you to I-80. After getting onto I-80 East, take the 3rd exit. You can't miss it!"

I could feel the anxiety rising up within me. I am horrible at following directions, no matter how simple they are. I can get myself lost on a straightaway...NO KIDDING! I have even been known to get lost while using the GPS unit. My husband, David seems to have an internal compass or something....I sure don't. Unless it is one of those cheap compasses like you get in the McDonald's Happy Meals that just spin and spin and spin, never really pointing to true north.

I straightened my frame, took a deep breath, and whispered to myself, "This time is going to be different. I am not going to get lost. Only three turns are required the whole way there.  Surely, I can handle that." I quickly corralled the children into the van and set off on what was to be a quick trip to the mall.

As I neared the top of the hill, I started to feel a little nervous, questions now flooding my mind. "Did she say to take the first right, once I see the corn fields, or the second one? Or did she say the first road past the corn fields? I slowed down the vehicle to try and make a quick decision. "Think Satin, think!" After arguing with myself over which option seemed the most logical, I opted for the first road past the corn fields...BZZZZ, WRONG ANSWER! Only I didn't realize that I had taken the wrong road until I had driven confidently along for about 4 miles.

Humbly, I turned the van around and back-tracked to the first road. "Okay, see this isn't so bad...you did it, Satin." I really felt I was on the road to success, until I went about a mile down the hill and saw a road leading to the left and a road leading to the right. Contemplating...desperately gnawing at my already non-existent fingernails, I tried to once again recall the directions my mom had given me, to no avail. Doubts filled my mind. "Should I stop and ask someone for help???...there is no one, silly, unless you are going to go over and ask that cow!" So, onward I drove...

Well, to make a long story short and to spare you of all the boring details, I will just tell you that I did end up making it to the mall...and it only took me 6 wrong turns and about 30 minutes more than what it should've taken.  And, I made it back to my mom 's house too...and I only made 3 wrong turns on the way back and beat my original time by 5 minutes!  You have to celebrate the small successes in life you know.

Sitting in the car thinking...since I had so much time to think. I realized something quite interesting.  As I was driving, I was worried.  Would I end up driving into some deep abyss somewhere never to return again (not really, but it sounds dramatic).  But, I was concerned about being lost.  However, sitting in the back of the van were my three younger children, laughing, chatting...just enjoying the ride. They were not the least bit concerned about our impending peril, as I was.  They were just trusting that we were going to make it to the mall and back.

As adults, it seems that we worry and fret about our every decision, struggling, wondering if God will really
show us which decision we should make and questioning all the while. Can anyone reading relate?  The Bible contains many verses which would encourage us not to worry in the midst of making hard decisions, but rather that we should pray to God for wisdom and TRUST HIM for the outcome.

James 1:5 says "If any of you lacks wisdom, let Him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him."

Wow, isn't that such an encouragement? Why do we question every detail, working ourselves into a tale spin when a difficult decision comes up, when God promises to give us wisdom generously if we just ask Him.

Maybe you are contemplating a career change. Maybe you are trying to decide if you should pursue an adoption. Possibly you are questioning who you should marry. Or maybe you are trying to decide whether to vaccinate your children or not...I don't know. I do know, that whatever decision you face, God desires to give you all the wisdom in making it. Just pray to God, ask Him for wisdom, seek wise counsel through Godly friends and the Bible, and trust God for the outcome.

Thinking back on my adventure driving to the mall this morning, one thought comes to mind. On the road of life, I just desire to sit back like my children, laughing, chatting, and enjoying the ride...trusting God to get me where He wants me to be.

Mud Puddles and Our Greatest Need

2010-06-18T09:58:00.004-04:00

While on a short walk one afternoon, Avidan noticed a mud puddle in our driveway. He pointed in the direction of the puddle and uttered, "Go, go!" I was curious how he would react if I allowed him to walk up to the edge of the puddle, so I motioned for him to go ahead. As he inched nearer to the murky water, I could see the corners of his mouth rising, smiling at this new found freedom.

Cautiously and Curiously, he knelt down to view his reflection in the brown, murky water in front of him. Moments of gazing passed. An idea had started to form. Carefully, so as not to disturb the calmness of the water, he gently placed the tip of one solitary finger into the puddle, and waited. The response of the water to his touch was very slight, barely a ripple was seen. Another thought formed in his mind. With the same finger, Avidan began to gently stir the surface of the water, circling in large deliberate strokes over and over across the cool dirty water in front of him. Ripples and waves began to form, making their way to the edge of the puddle, seeking solace once again.

Eventually, the novelty of the redundant stirring soon wore off. Next, Avidan flatted out his hand and stretched out his fingers; looking down to make sure that none were touching. He quickly looked back at me, as if looking for an expression of approval and then, once again turned his attention to the mud puddle. Excitedly, he began slapping the surface of the puddle, violently sending water and mud flying, releasing laughter which had too long been pinned up inside him.

Instantly, it was as if all self-control had vanished. Standing up, Avidan ran through the puddle, squealing with delight as he felt the cool water slapping against his legs. Occasionally, he paused to sit at the edge of the of the puddle, throwing clumps of mud at the reflection of himself that initially was calm and lifeless.

Finally, without considering the outcome, Avidan grabbed a clump of mud, looked at it for a moment, and then without a second thought, he foolishly placed the clump into his wide-opened mouth.

Thinking back, I realize that I am not all that much different than my son. Like him, I at times am foolish, not giving much thought to my ways until I have a mouth full of mud and regret. Sadly, when I am confronted with temptations, I don't always flee from them as I should, but rather sit by the puddles edge, gaze at my reflection and stir the murky water with my finger. What about you? Do you give yourself permission to willingly flirt with certain temptations rather than fleeing from them. You know the old saying? "If you stand too close to a mud puddle, eventually you are going to get wet and muddy."

A friend calls...laughter, joking, and sharing eventually ripple into to small comments that seem to be turning into gossip...The comments, seemingly innocent at first, now carry with them the pangs of regret, because in the end; you had as much gossip to contribute to the conversation.

A child waits patiently to be served lunch...at fist. Eventually, your smiling, happy child melts into another creature it seems, crying, kicking, shouting, and hanging onto your leg. "How am I expected to get lunch on the table when I am dragging a screaming child across the kitchen," you think to yourself, all the while feeling anger welling-up deep in the bosom of your chest. You feel the weight of your response bearing down upon you, telling you to leave the room and seek a few moments of solitude to pray for strength and wisdom. But, lunch still needs to be served, so you press on, stirring, cutting, and muttering to yourself. Sweat begins to pour off of your brow, emotional and physical exhaustion weakening your resolve to stay calm. In an instant, you lash out, your words cutting through your child's hearts like a knife...your heart hurts too, you know that the hurtful words you had spoken can never be taken back.

The TV is blasting with another hockey game, your husband sitting comfortably in the easy chair, seemingly oblivious to the house falling apart around him. You look around...baskets of clothing over-flowing onto the floor, dishes becoming crusty in the sink, children in need of some soap and water "therapy"...deep inside you start to notice thoughts of self-pity taking shape..."He doesn't even care about me!" You go and sit down in the chair next to him, but rather than cultivating loving thoughts towards your spouse you allow the unbridled thoughts in your mind to continue. "All he seems to care about are his dumb sports. Doesn't he realize how hard I work all day? I shouldn't have to do all of this work by myself." Later that evening, you can barely look at him, feeling only coldness and bitterness.

Every one of us has foolishly played too close to the puddle at one point or another. Maybe more often than we even realize. My intention in writing this is not to in any way to make you feel condemned, but rather to encourage you with the truth that we are all helplessly unable to change on our own. You may be thinking, "And this is suppose to be good new?" Actually, it is very "good news"! God sent His son into the world to save sinners; to rescue us from our sins. We just don't have the power and strength within us to resist the temptations of this world...without the help of a Savior.

Avidan's tongue and body, now coated with a gritty layer of thick mud, needed to be rescued...so I gently picked him up, stripped him of all of his clothing, and placed him into the tub. Slowly with soap and wash cloth in hand, I began to scrub his little body, washing the crusty mess of mud from his body. I was glad to see my squeaky clean little boy again. But more importantly, as the filthy water spiraled down the tub's drain, I couldn't help but think, "I am so glad I have a Savior who washes me clean with the blood of the guiltless lamb.

"See how red is your guilt, mark the scarlet stain. It you were to wash your soul in the Atlantic Ocean, you might incarnadine every wave that washes all its shores, and yet the crimson spots of your transgression would still remain. But plunge into the “fountain filled with blood, drawn from Immanuel’s veins,” and in an instant you are whiter than snow. Every speck, spot, and stain of sin is gone, and gone forever." Charles Spurgeon

Treasures in the Sand

2010-06-17T12:28:00.003-04:00

The quiet breeze blew gently, softly mingling with the light of the sun, rays reflected hues of gold and bronze on their long locks. Little giggles echoed as they walked and talked...sharing...dreaming of what they might find on their big adventure.

Pails in hand, eagerly they skipped across the moist sand, only pausing on occasion to look with wonder at the wide expanse surrounding them, stopping to smell the fresh salty air, or pausing to sink their toes into the wet gooey sand beneath their feet. As one would find a possible treasure nestled safely in the sand, an urgent call was made to the other to come, quickly, so as not to miss the joy of seeing the treasure before them. Together as sisters, as companions, they bent down to inspect each shell, slowly picking them up to place them gently into one of the pails.

As the sun marked the hours passing in the sky, the pails began to fill up with beautiful remnants, most of which had been washed in from the powerful sea. You could almost feel them holding their breath, hearts beating, standing in awe of the wonderful sites before them. Some of the treasures were broken, scattered across the sand, but valuable to the girls nonetheless. Others were still perfectly formed, but still showed the ware and tear of the strong waves which had beaten up against them. Still others shells contained living creatures such as a hermit crab or whelk. Lovingly, the girls would pick them up and toss them back into the sea, maybe uttering a silent prayer for safety and protection against the waves that still churned upon the beach before their view...for they understood that the treasure of these creatures was found in setting them free.

With pails nearly overflowing, the girls sprinted back to where I stood, eager to share what they had found on their adventure on the beach that day. One by one, shells were gently lifted out of each pail, carefully, so as not to damage a single one in any way. The girls, placing them all in a line, admired them, rejoicing in each one being found, looked up at me with eyes wide with excitement.

"We found so many treasures, Momma. Aren't they all so beautiful?"

Along with my girls, I am certain that my face radiated with excitement and joy too, for at that moment, I realized something profound yet wonderful. The Lord rejoices over us too. Whether we are battered and broken by the waves, eroded by the friction of the sand, or whether only scattered remnants of us remain. If we are His children, He treasures us!

As Christians, we have such a difficult time believing that God could possibly delight in us. At least I do! But there is a verse found in Zephaniah 3:17 that has been such a huge encouragement to me that I would like to share with you too:

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."

On occasion, my girls still pull out the box of treasures they collected on the beach that day. They gleefully share fond memories of time spent together as sisters, searching for treasures to fill their pails; treasures buried beneath the moist sand, waiting to be found. From the next room, I can hear giggling and chatting. As I peak in, I smile. Once again, they are gently placing each shell in a line, delighting in them with the same excitement and joy as they had done on the day of the big adventure on the beach.

This day, may you be more aware of how God delights over you as His child.

Shhhh! Listen... you just might hear Him singing!

A Couch with a Huge Appetite

2010-06-16T20:27:00.002-04:00

I have a confession to make. I have kept it hidden long enough. My couch has a hole in it. The hole is perfectly hidden out of site by the cushions lying over it, but it is there and it is growing. It is not just a little barely noticeable hole. It is a HUGE hole...and it tends to eat things. If you have ever been to my house, sat on my couch, and had loose change in your pockets, it is likely that your change was missing when you arrived home, because my couch probably ate it. Sadly, this hole is not even a respecter of persons and has even been known to eat the belonging of babies. The hole in my couch is so large, in fact, that it tends to even eat my children on occasion. Thankfully, my couch has no ability to fully digest them...so eventually they are able to wiggle free from the springy teeth entrapping them; but the couch tries to eat them, nonetheless. I have found the craziest things in the belly of my couch...rubber bands, remote controls, books, socks, yogurt containers, perfume, DVD's, and once I even found a live chipmunk (don't ask) You name it, I have probably found it!

The interesting thing about the hole in my couch is that at one time, a few years back, the hole was so tiny that it was barely noticeable. In fact, it was so small I didn't pay any attention to it at all. Now I pay attention to it. When something is missing in our home, the huge hole in the couch is the first place we tend to look.

Not only does this huge hole in my couch eat everything it can manage to fit into it's bloated stomach, it also causes the couch to be annoyingly uncomfortable to sit on. If there are more than two people sitting on it at a given time, both individuals tend to sink towards the middle if you know what I mean. At times, I try and rearrange the cushions on the couch thinking it may make the hole a little less noticeable, but to no avail...the HUGE hole is still there and growing larger. Despite my best efforts, the couch is still uncomfortable and it still eats things that I don't desire to have eaten.

I was thinking about the hole in my couch today as I was frantically cleaning for our adoption homestudy which takes place this evening. I must have spent 20 minutes fishing out all of our lost items and prized possessions, so I had plenty of time to think!

I was thinking about my life and how easily I tend to try and hide those areas of my life which I don't want anyone to know about...my sins, my fears, and my struggles. Or, how I at times try and make a change outwardly without regard to what is happening in my heart. Often times I become self-sufficient thinking that I have a better solution to my sin, fear, or struggle than God does. You know what I mean, don't you?

"What would others think of me if they knew that I struggled with keeping my house clean? Well, I just need to find a better routine and it will get better."

"I am feeling really overwhelmed right now. Maybe I just need to call and cancel a few of my appointments until next week when I am feeling better."

Can anyone out there relate? Why is it so easy for us to just brush our sins, fears, and struggles aside as being just a "small, barely noticeable" hole?" Or, why are we content to just "rearrange" the cushions in our lives thinking that in some way it will make things better?

I think the problem can be summed up with one word....PRIDE. We at times think we know better than God. Admit it...I will admit it. It shames me to say it, but it is true. There are so many times that I act as though I know better than God. But, the Bible has a lot to say about pride. Here are two verses that demonstrate very clearly how God feels about pride in our lives:

James 4:6 says, "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble."

Proverbs16:18 says, "Pride goes before destruction,and a haughty spirit before a fall."

God's desire for us would be that we would be filled with humility, recognizing our need for a Savior, rather than being filled with pride which causes us to be self-absorbed. So, how do we grow in humility? Well, one expression of humility is being willing to cast our anxieties, fears, and struggles onto the Lord. Look at the following verse:

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

John Piper expresses how humility looks as well:

“Faith admits the need for help. Pride won’t. Faith banks on God to give help. Pride won’t. Faith casts anxieties on God. Pride won’t.”

"Every good thing in the Christian life grows in the soil of humility. Without humility, every virtue and every grace withers."

Our adoption homestudy was canceled for tonight. I guess that means next week I will have the privilege of emptying the belly of my couch again. I hope that as I do, I am able to cast a few more of my "holes" onto the Lord, giving Him thanks for the wonderful things He has taught me through the Huge, hungry hole in my couch which I was too prideful to admit was there until it was so large that it made sitting simply unbearable.

Softening the Sound of Thunder and Getting Us Through the Storm

2010-06-16T09:15:00.004-04:00

It was about 5:00 this morning when I was aroused from my sleep by the deep rumbles and eery flashes of a thunderstorm. I rolled over trying to block out the sights and sounds filling my bedroom, when a sweet, soft-spoken voice caught my attention. It was Eliana, "Mommy, I can't sleep!" Without saying a word, I motioned for her to hop into bed beside me. Another chorus of thunder echoed through my bedroom, followed by violent flashes of lightening. I closed my eyes, trying to block it all out.

A few seconds later, I felt a little hand upon my arm. I looked up to see Amaris standing beside my bed. Once again, without saying a word, I motioned for Amaris to jump into my bed too. With every flash of lightening, I could feel two little bodies sliding up against me more closely, for comfort...for protection. With every rumble of thunder, I could feel two little hands reaching out to make sure that I was close by.

Eventually, the storm seemed as though it was finally beginning to pass. Amaris sat up and confidently said, "Mommy, do you know why I come to your bed when it storms so much? Because the thunder doesn't seem as loud when you are with me and the lightening doesn't seem as scary. Isn't that good Mommy?"   ...I remember feeling that way as a child.

I know that probably many of you are experiencing a storm right now in your own personal lives. You may have even tried to tightly shut your eyes thinking if you block out the sights and sounds of the storm surrounding you, it will quickly pass. Or quite possibly, you are in a season of life where the sky is blue and cloudless, not a single rain cloud is in sight. But you and I both know that eventually, the blue of the sky will turn to a dark shade of gray and dark clouds will begin to appear, signaling an impending storm.

The question is, how will you get through the storm when it arrives? Will you bury your face in the covers hoping that it will not last long? Or, when God motions for you to come to Him so that he can comfort you, will you press into Him, trusting that He will get you through the storm unharmed. You do have a choice!

Typically, I find myself covering my eyes, holding my breath, and planning where I will seek safety just in case the storms in my life take a turn for the worse. But this morning, the Lord reminded me that all I have to do is reach out my hand and I would feel Him there with me...He is always there, you know?. I just choose to ignore His presence at times. Isn't that crazy? I know that if I just pressed into the Lord, He would get me through the storm.

What about you? When the impending storm arrives in your life, will you choose to try and get through it on your own, or will you trust the Lord to bring you safely to the other side?

Maybe this is a difficult question for you to answer because you feel so battered and bruised from previous storms in your life...or maybe you just don't know how to trust Him. Simply do as my girls did this morning.

     Reach out your hand and feel Him there with you,
               Press your face deeply into his chest,
                         then, trust Him to get you through the storm.

...God may not immediately remove the storm from your life and you still may see and hear all of the sounds which the storm brings with it, but the rumbling of the thunder won't seem quite as loud and the violent flashes of lightening won't seem quite as scary....If you trust in HIM!

A Fallen Chair, A Faithful Father

2010-06-15T10:35:00.003-04:00

The piercing cry that resounded through the rooms of our home, was no doubt that of an injured child. I quickly ran in the direction of the desperately sounding cry, my heart racing. "I had only left the room a moment earlier...What could have possibly happened?"

When I arrived upon the scene, there before me was a scared, trembling, and helpless child, pinned onto the hard floor beneath a fallen chair. Avidan looked up at me with tear-filled eyes...I wanted to cry too. As quickly as I could, I gently lifted the chair off of his tiny little frame, praying to God that he was not injured. As soon, as the chair was safely out of the way, I bent down over my son, scooped him up into my arms, and pulled his sweet little head close to my chest, whispering in his ear, "Mommy is here, Avidan, Mommy is here."

Without hesitation, Avidan wrapped his short little arms around my neck, reciprocating the gentle comfort that I tried to give him. Within a few moments, his cries began to hush, turning to just a tiny whimper. Soon, all that remained was a quiet, helpless child, clinging to my neck.

Since then, I have replayed the events of that day in my mind over and over again. I also have thought about the times that I have felt scared or alone...the times I have felt overcome with pain. And yet, unlike my sweet child, I often times did not turn to my Heavenly Father for comfort for my scared and trembling body. Rather, I ran away thinking to myself, "It will be okay, I just need to get over it." OR "I just need to be strong right now."

Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever desired so desperately to be comforted, yet were too proud to allow it, like me? Why is it that as adults, we are often times too prideful to seek the comfort of our Heavenly Father when we walk through trails? Ahh, I desire so deeply to be like my son. I desire to cry out to my Heavenly Father for my every need...fear...pain.

The Bible contains verse after verse confirming that God is with us through our trials: (This list hasn't even scratched the surface)

"When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." Psalm 94:18-19

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1

"I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears." Psalm 34:4

"So, do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Maybe today, you are like that of a helpless, trembling child. Maybe your marriage seems to be falling apart before your very eyes. Possibly, you are struggling with infertility, wondering if you will ever be able to hold the child that you have dreamt about for so long. Or, maybe you are facing the possibility of losing your job, questioning how you are going to pay this month's mounting bills. Or maybe your are suffering from depression or some physical illness, feeling as though you are all alone. Be encouraged! God desires to scoop you up from underneath the chair that has entrapped you and pull your helpless frame close to His chest...He desires to lovingly whisper in your ear, "Daddy is here (your name), Daddy is here."

What Does Webster Have to Say about Normal?

2010-06-14T06:55:00.003-04:00

Over the past week, I have heard the word "normal" mentioned quite often.

"Don't you want to adopt a "normal" child?"
"This child will never be "normal!"
"You already have 4 "normal" children, how could you possibly want one with Down Syndrome?"

So, I was curious...What does "normal" really mean anyway? Well, according to Mr. Webster, "normal" is defined as:

"being approximately average or within certain limits in, e.g. intelligence and development, a perfectly normal child."

Maybe your opinion would differ from mine, but to me "normal" seems rather boring. When I read the definition of "normal", I picture one of those machines that spit out the Hershey Kisses, all looking exactly the same, and if one is malformed in any way the buzzer sounds to alert the workers to pull the "abnormal" one off the assembly line as quickly as possible. Sadly, I think many in the world would view our children with special needs in the same way. We have been so influenced by our culture to believe that "normal" should look a certain way, that it has robbed us of life's greatest blessings...our children, namely those with special needs.

Did you know that 90% of babies who are diagnosed as having Down Syndrome in utero are aborted? And to make this statistic a little more frightening, 1 out of every 800 babies are diagnosed with having possible Down's. It makes me shudder just thinking about it!

But God, in His goodness, gave us children with Down Syndrome and other special needs. They are a gift from Him and should be cherished, loved, and enjoyed. God did not make a mistake when He created little Kaleb. He lovingly and patiently knit Kaleb together in his mother's womb. Kaleb is a miracle...all children are!

Maybe you have a child that has been diagnosed with autism, diabetes, cerebral palsy, cancer, or learning disabilities. I would appeal to you that you have been given a great and wonderful treasure. Your child was hand-picked by God just for you! Isn't that amazing to consider?

So, be encouraged! And remember this day to thank God for His goodness towards you...and go and kiss your children on the heads and tell them that you are so glad that they aren't "normal".